That thing!

We as woman have three basic reactions that we are aloted in life.
Cry. Laugh. Throw things.

Throw things- I am surrounded by at least 4 short people at all times so throwing something means at some point I am going to end up taking one of them out.
Cry- I have at least 8 eyeliners hid throughout my house to keep kids from using them as tub markers so fixing my makeup after the tears is a bit unrealistic.
Laugh- I Laugh. It may seem silly but when things get hard for me I laugh. I just simply laugh. Some may think that laughing makes you seem distant or un feeling but for me it is simply my reaction to the tough times. I do not like my kids to see me unhappy or even having a hard time facing things, so I do try to teach my kids that sometimes things are hard enough that you just have to laugh. I believe that laughter is the best medicine and crying or throwing something is sometimes the best reaction for the moment but I do also like the fact that people can look at me and "go boy she handled that well."

I Found My New Niche

I LOVE this machine. A friend of mine is going to be traveling for about a month and wondered if I would want to finish up a project she was working on and said I could just take this GLORIOUS machine home with me to use too. OH MY ! This is going to the top of my list.

From Deep Within

I thought that switching over to a new and different blog would be a great little thing to do to start this new year off right and be able to start with the things that matter most. When I started setting this up a few weeks ago (per requested from a friend) I was happy and full of hope and going about my usual craziness. I wish I was still doing that right now too. But I should back up a little bit so I don't lose too many people.
After deciding that just ONE MORE baby would be perfect to fill out our little family, we took the leap and starting trying to conceive again. You can imagine the look on my face when I was filling out papers at the doctors office when I got to the question that asks if there is a chance you are pregnant. Having no clue at all if I was pregnant yet, I told them there was a possibilty just to give them a heads up. A couple tests and a new prescription later, I was sitting there waiting to be checked out when the nurse walks in and says "Thanks for the heads up because you are indeed pregnant". AWESOME! We still got it! We are awesome!
I can honestly say that the last few weeks have been an absolute blur. The thing that hasn't been a blur is my beta levels that where not nearly as high as they should have been. Thinking to myself now, I have to wander if maybe I am pushing myself too hard. Going through the motions and starting all the vitamins and supplements for a pregnancy with me is just about as easy as teaching my five year old to drive. I have never been a pill or drug person and I can honestly say that I am still not adjusted 5 years later.
Fast forwarding to today- I am in complete shock. I am very mad. I am very angry. I am very hurt.
Having a doctor (that I have known for awhile) look you in the face and say "It has happened, the baby has stopped growing and there is no heartbeat" is the last thing I wanted today. This is the last thing I ever wanted....EVER. My body is sore and trying to do the most natural thing it knows how to do, HEAL and no longer carry a child. There are VERY few friends and family members that even knew we were pregnant and I am at least happy that we kept it that way.